The Most Powerful Word in Your Life Right Now
What’s the most powerful word available to you right now and anytime? It’s a word that is specifically important to tap into in times of struggle. A word with the power to break the invisible limits we put on ourselves. A lot of my fellow personal development peeps will probably jump to thoughts of words like “can” or “yes” or “no” or “persistence, confidence,” etc. This is a much simpler word.
The most powerful word to start using in your mind today is “and.” (Okay so it’s technically a conjunction, but I’m going to convince you that it’s much more than that.)
At times, all of us can get trapped in black-and-white thinking. We might unknowingly “declare” what is, whether we’re forming conclusions from our past, or deciding what life looks like in the present and future. As someone who often finds herself trapped in the walls of my own proclamations (“I am too scared to do that,” “That was a bad idea,” “I’m always going to be this type of person,” “I will never be Carrie Underwood”… 🤷🏼♀️), let me tell you how I’ve used this secret weapon word - and how you can use it - to overcome any limiting belief.
Here’s the Deal.
Our brains like to naturally draw conclusions and fit everything into a specific box or category for simplicity’s sake. It feels a lot easier to understand the world around us by designing simple statements about our lives, good or bad, than to consider alternative angles. We do it about our circumstances, our relationships, and…ourselves.
But just because it’s easier, doesn’t make it accurate. And, in fact, living in the land of absolutes might give us a sense of security, but it’s actually often a harbor for limiting beliefs. “And” is a bridge that allows for the coexistence of our valid feelings and additional possibilities.
“Living in the land of absolutes might give us a sense of security, but it’s actually often a harbor for limiting beliefs.”
Can you identify with any of the following examples of absolutes that we all hear or say on the regular?
Future:
I’ll never reach my full potential.
I won’t be able to handle anymore of this stress.
I’ll never get all of this done.
I will never be Carrie Underwood.
Present:
I’m so stressed out.
This is the worst year ever.
I don’t want to be doing this right now.
I hate this job.
It’s really hard for me to do _____ right now.
Past:
that was devastating.
I should’ve never done that - that was a total mistake.
Gosh I was an idiot back then.
That situation blew up in my face.
Again, wow. What was that? (Haha, okay, kidding. sort of.)
Relationships:
he is just a self-centered person.
She drives me crazy.
He doesn’t respect me.
Being a parent is so stressful.
Ourselves:
I have anxiety.
I’ve just always been _________.
I have a fear of __________.
I’m insecure.
I’m just not as good at that as her.
I’m not brave enough.
I’m full of self-doubt.
There is always more to the story than we realize. “And” is always available to us. It can take us from one end of a spectrum to a more balanced place of even keel on the scale. And again, it doesn’t mean the initial thought is invalid. You don’t need to negate your current feelings! “And” requires a first half just as much as a second. It’s just not absolute. I’ve been able to use this word to forgive myself, be kind with myself, and open the door to a brighter future. Let’s add magical “and” to a few of the statements above:
I’m so stressed out and I’m still capable of doing this.
This is the worst year ever and there are some valuable lessons that have come out of it.
That situation blew up in my face and I am actually stronger & better for it!
I should’ve never done that and I was also doing the best I could with what I had.
I have anxiety and I can still live a fulfilled life.
I’m full of self-doubt and I’m still showing up, putting one foot in front of the other.
I’ve just always been _____ and I have the resources and options to start making small changes if I want.
I was an “idiot” back then and I also did a heck of a lot of things right.
He doesn’t respect me and I might not know what he’s actually thinking.
It’s really hard for me to do this and I also can do it.
Being a parent is stressful and I’m blessed beyond belief.
that was devastating and think of the ways I can help others now.
And since you’ve been waiting for this one…
I’ll never be Carrie Underwood and I can take inspiration from others in becoming the best “me” I can be.
Kids and “and”
If you have kids, this can be a really fun thing to do with them. I’ve learned that my kids are naturally prone to black-and-white thinking, but have been somewhat “enchanted” by this concept.
My daughter hates getting her blood drawn. More than almost anything. And she has to do it more often than she’d like, due to severe food allergies. Her brother has to as well, but mostly does so without even blinking, and she always compares herself to him. As we were preparing for another such event, I kept hearing her talking about being too scared. “I wish I was brave. But I’m not.” I could see the feelings of shame and defeat in her eyes. In her mind, she was not brave because she felt scared and cried. I asked her, “Do you want to know what the most magical word in the world is?” Both she and her brother nodded yes. “It’s the word ‘and.’” I told them. “You can be scared…and brave! You can cry…and still get through it! It’s not one or the other…it can be both!” A huge grin came across her face. She and her brother both started trying to come up with their own. Of course it quickly went off the rails with her 4-year-old brother veering into the land of bodily functions, but you get the point. 🤦🏼♀️ It made my daughter’s world more colorful than the black & white one her brain was presenting to her. It opened up endless possibility.
Your Turn
Your world can open up too. Any adult knows that you’re not just brave. If you’re feeling brave, it’s often due to some underlying feeling of fear. But sometimes we forget that you can be both at the same time. You can twist any negative into a more positive, empowering, effective version.
Now I ask my kids and others in my life when they’re struggling and stating absolutes, “Okay…now where’s the AND?”
This article is being published on Election Day, before any of us know the results. So here’s an “and” to put in your back pocket if things don’t go your way:
This didn’t go the way I wanted it to and I can still make a difference in the world through my own actions. 🤷🏼♀️
Where might you be cutting yourself off from a more colorful world of possibility? Are you defining your life - and yourself - in a limiting way? Before you end a negative sentence with a period, you might need to add an AND.